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CINEMATRIX - by LuckyWill

Cinematrix is movie goer central bringing everything from the Big Screen to your screen.

Eva Longoria & Beyonce go lesbian.. Together.

November 15th 2006 13:47
In a match that rivals Jordan vs Bird, Twain vs Dickens, Marc Antony vs Julius Caesar, Hitler vs Churchill, or even a Pacino vs De Niro; we're seeing the likes of the latin floosy from "Desperate Housewives" be paired with the black superstar who flooses herself between film and music entertainment. These two have recently revealed they will be starring in roles from an adaption of Sarah Waters book, "Tipping the Velvet". Yet, these two aren't pairing off in a duel or contest for spotlight focus, flipping their hair, pouting or looking their desirable selves, this match-up will be one of compassion where each plays a lover to the other.

That's right. Eva and Beyonce as lovers on-screen.

That noise you can hear right now is the concerted commotion of men worldwide frantically searching for their wallets to pre-book cinema tickets.

The backdrop is set in the 1890's, where the book describes the life and lesbian love affair between male impersonator music hall star Kitty Butler and Nan Astley. So expect some romp and pomp or a tawdry type of Moulin Rouge, understood from the titles namesake which means female cunnilingus.

Director Sofia Coppola (from Lost in Translation and The Virgin Suicides) will bring the girls to the big screen for art aficidano's, Victorian enthusiasts and heterosexual males everywhere. Sofia is reportedly "desperate" for each actress to star in the adaption, which has also previously been a BBC television show in the early 2000's.

Both stars are feeling positive about the controversial roles, which previously surmounted uproar over the former BBC's adaption from the use of graphic sex scenes, cross-dressing and sex toys. However, Beyonce who was speaking at a New York benefit for ovarian cancer, said: "We've had Brokeback Mountain so the time is right for this divine novel to get the same treatment." ( Refuting claims this was all just one mans secret wet dream exposed, Eva clarified, "Yes it's true. We are talking about doing the movie together. It's such a wonderful novel, a beautiful love story." (

Is this merely just a short-sighted Hollywood publicity stunt for Brokeback-style notoriety, or a genuine attempt at informing sexuality acceptance through art?

Either way, expect a follow-up review the day it's released from your truly.

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14 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by KylieW

November 16th 2006 01:24
I hate to be the bearer of bad news Justin, as I can tell that you're really looking forward to this movie, but I saw an article on People where Eva said it's all a big rumour and that her and Beyonce aren't doing the flick at all. Who knows though.

I think they should do the movie. If they do it well, they would both be taken seriously as actresses (cos lets face it, I'm not sure either of them will be winning Academy Awards anytime soon for their work to date).

And, I think it'd do really well at the cinemas. It'd be the first chick flick that had guys lining up to see it.

Comment by Justin

November 17th 2006 06:51
Hah, although disappointing I can pull myself together without too much grief. It sounded like a large pipe dream from the beginning but thanks for the clarification KylieW.

Y'know, I should leave the gossip to pro's like yourself and other bloggers and just focus on the films themselves. Oh well, I'll keep track of any developments and post them whether counteracting this article or strengthening it.

I agree with you; a female Brokeback could be a cataclysmic turn-around of guys actually wanting to see chick-flicks and being more open to the idea of art, homosexual love and understanding the world from a female perspective. I see it all as win-win!

Comment by postmoderncritic

November 20th 2006 21:12
Lol, I knew this was a rumour from the first few lines... neither of those two strike me as interested in testing their mainstream audience. It would've been more believable if it had been something like Drew Barrymore and Chloe Sevigny.

Comment by Justin

November 21st 2006 00:45
You're absolutely right postmodernc.
Another case of 'too good to be true', 'wishful thinking' and my entertainment news sources as credible as, well, entertainment news sources!
Unfortunately not even Cinematrix can be read as gospel these days..

Though if Chloe, Drew, Charlize or Helena Bonham were attached it would be much more believable.

Comment by Adrian

November 22nd 2006 11:38
You know, it's curious that many men like to be frustrated.

Like stripteases -- all preview, and no show.

And like lesbianism...

Comment by Justin

November 22nd 2006 15:19
True enough, Adrian.

As silly and paradoxical as it seems, the lure of something is sometimes learnt to be more exiciting, fulfilling and engaging than the outcome.

Why this is appears to revolve around the Buddhist ideas of samsara and conditioned cyclic suffering. ..See what you've done Adrian - from proposed lesbian films to questions of humanity and Eastern philosophy!

Comment by Stanley

November 26th 2006 06:27
hahaha just the mere thought of these 2 hooking up has sent me in raptures! but i don't know since beyonce has lost some of her curves i don't find her that alluring anymore.

Comment by Justin

November 26th 2006 07:53
I'm telling you Stan if the "gossip" was true and Longoria and Beyonce were going to do it (pun gloriously intended) you'd be allured beyond the alluring allure of the allurest!

Comment by Schubler

November 26th 2006 11:11
Nice review... this explain the 4 km line in front of the cinema from my town... Joking!!! This could be interesting and I think this is something to get a lot of publicity for both Beyonce and Eva Longoria... I see that everybody is running after publicity these days ... it doesn`t matter if it`s negative, controversial, positive and so on!!! And the ways to promote an image have crossed some limits that know has thought they will ever be crossed a decade ago... But this could only lead to a more satisfied customer... !!!

Very Nice blog... Have Fun!!!

Comment by Justin

November 26th 2006 11:46
Hey Schubler,

Welcome and thanks for your comments. Publicity, cross promotion and commodification are the new ways of big business it seems. Apart from a few items of racism from Mel Gibson and Michael Richards (Kramer) any other publicity is almost necessarily affixed as good publicity. Even notoriety. Possibly the worst p.r. these days is not being known.

Personally I think the girls should take the ill-conceived suggestions/gossip, branch out into tough unfamiliar territory and do it.
P.S. Yes, I am aware it's the second of two unoriginal puns that were each cheap and shameless.

Comment by Schubler

November 26th 2006 12:35
You`re right ... the worst p.r. these days is not being known... Look at Paris Hilton... she love any kind of publicity... and that`s why she gets it: Sextapes, scandals, everything... and this only brings here up and a lot of attention from the press which loves her for generating so much stories... and in what concern racism... those guys are normal people like we are and they have their own opinions... You can never expect the actor that you like to be the same person in real life ... if you meet him you may be either dissapointed or surprised of the man/woman he/she really is... Also I don`t agree to rasism... because I for one, don`t see this kind of behaviour being healthy... especially when it comes to expressing it publicly!!!

Comment by Cibbuano

November 26th 2006 23:28
re: this film, if true

Mon Dieu!

Comment by Justin

November 27th 2006 02:29

You're spot on. It's like that generic Eastern meditational thought - if a tree fell in the woods without anyone to hear it, would it make a sound? Just as if a famous person who was famous for being famous fell in a crowded street without anyone to photograph her, would it have been seen? And moreover, would they continue being famous if not for the paparazzi?

As for racism - one of the very few types of bad publicity - I evan admit some of my friends have the off-hand, politically incorrect comment for a laugh of the black humour type (pun intended!) but then again their never to be seen as people to emulate, admire or aspire to so is it ok for them, while not others? Yet this is exactly the same problem just in different scenarios of influential existence.

Cibby: As far as I know it's just red-hot fiction as far as Kylie W reports. ...What could have been, we may never know.

Comment by Anonymous

October 4th 2007 08:46
co za ciule!

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